Silly Man

My husband and I have completely disparate schedules. I teach high school, so I get up around 5:00 in the morning, run out the door by 6:20, and start teaching at 7:40. I'm usually home by 4:30 and in bed around 9:30 or 10.

So of course, my hubby leaves for work around...eight o'clock at night. He plays in a band, and often doesn't get into bed until 4 or 5 in the morning--just in time to wake me up. Now, for the most part, this isn't too big of a problem. We're both fiercely independent people. He's a night owl, and I'm more productive in the morning. It's balanced, and we still get to spend our early evenings together.

The one big problem has been the car. I drive the car home from school so that hubby can drive to his gigs. But when he comes home at night, he parks quickly, races out of the cold, and climbs into bed, often leaving me with no idea where the car is. We've tried using a dry-erase board to leave "The car is..." notes, but often to disastrous results. So most often, I'm left rushed and frazzled, trying to get a sleeping hubby to divulge very important car-location information. This leads to hilarious but extremely frustrating conversations with a still-comatose husband.

This morning's hilarity:

Me (out of the shower--whispering): Sweetie? Honey? (slightly louder) HUSBAND'S NAME?

Him (clearly still asleep): I love you.

Me: Um, ok. Sure. Where is the car?

Him: (rolls over and grunts)

Me (louder): No, please wake up. Where. Is. The. Car?

Him (very matter-of-factly): J. Edgar Hoover.

Me (almost shouting): NO! The CAR! Where is THE CAR?

Him (rolling over and giggling): Can you give me a.....hint?


Him: Hang on a sec. Sec. Sex. (rolls over and starts snoring)

At this point, I give up for a while. I've found that if I give him a break for a few minutes, sometimes I have more success the second time around. I pour myself coffee, dry my hair, and get dressed. So...fifteen minutes later and almost ready to leave, I make another attempt.

Me: *Husband's name* Hey! Wake up.

Him (opening eyes, but still possibly asleep): Hm?

Me: I need to know where the car is. Is it...on Pulaski? (I know it's not, because there's a parking regulation, but I'm checking to see if he's still asleep and possibly lying)

Him: Yes, it's on Pulaski.


Him (smiling and still asleep): Come back to bed.

Me: *lots and lots of shouting swear words that shouldn't be typed*

Him (finally waking up): What?!?! Jesus, that's a really unpleasant way to wake someone up.

Me (exasperated): Please tell me where the car is.

Him (incredulous): It's on Springfield. Jeez. (harrumphs back under the covers and grumbles at me, because god knows, I'm an unbearable shrew)

.....and that's what happens every morning. Pretty neat, huh?


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